Clean the Windows Of Your Mind 

Get the observer effect on where you really are.  David Neagle, coach to multimillionaires, says you cannot go anywhere until you first know where you are.  If you are going on a journey, you first have to know the place you are starting from.

See Clearly What Is and What Is Not

Be honest with yourself about your fears, potential barriers and limiting beliefs.  There are remedies to all of these things for you, but you first have to see them.  Focus on the possibilities.

See Clearly What You Want

Abraham Hicks says you never know more assuredly what you do want than when you are aware of what you do not want.  If you want a new mate, what are the qualities you desire in a new mate?  If you want a career, what does it look like?

Powerwash What Is Good

Emphasize what is working and capitalize on that.  Notice what is right and shine it up.  You can do this by:

• Focusing on your strengths – this is what makes you different than all the other people who may be offering the same business.  This is the difference between you and that person.  No two people like the same cars yet they are both cars.  Find your strengths and use them.
• Affirm the Positive – Whatever you say after the words “I Am” is very powerful.  Start affirming your worth even if it is hard for you at first.  It will become easier and you will begin to believe this affirmation about yourself and your business.  Louise Hay is a recommended author to follow on affirmations.  Her book “You Can Heal Your Life” is packed full of healing affirmations for your body and mind.

Plant New Growth

James Ray, author of “Harmonic Wealth” says our results level out to the degree of our growth.  Set new intentions for your own growth.  If you want to grow your business, then grow yourself.  If you want to grow your relationship then grow yourself.  Invest in your own spiritual and mental growth.  It will pay off with rich luscious fragrant blooms that will attract many.

How do you set intentions?  Lay a foundation each day for what you want to achieve.  Use a checklist and complete the items on the list each day.  If not, add what was not done to the next day’s list.

Become Inspired

Inspired comes from the meaning of being in spirit.  Find what inspires you and feed that passion.  Mark Twain says the secret to success is to make our vocation our vacation.  Let your passion speak to you by:

• Taking retreats – no phones, or outside influences
• Strategy sessions with others for new ideas
• Regenerate yourself.  If you like fishing, go fishing.  If you like laying by the beach then do so.  If a spa day replenishes your strength then indulge yourself.

Find a mentor or coach

Find someone who is successful in what you want to accomplish and ask them to mentor you.  Hire a coach to help you be accountable to yourself and your business.  A Life Coach or Business Coach will ask those powerful questions that help you to reach deep for the answers you have within.

Kim George, creator of Abundance Intelligence states that you were born great.  You already possess everything you need, want and choose to be who you are.  The only difference is your willingness to live into your greatness.

Be Willing To Live Into Your Greatness!

The next thing you know you are embarking on something new.  It could be a career change for the umpteenth time in your life.  Maybe you are having a child that was not expected.  Maybe you are considering divorce or are divorced.  You may be thinking you will never find someone to love.

Am I saying that divorce does not have to be hard?  You make the choice.  In fact, you do make the choice.  No one ever expects you to take on more than you can handle, but having it be difficult is a choice.

What if you tried on the perspective that it does not have to be hard.  Wow!  Is that allowed?  Can I really think that something does not have to be hard just for once?  What a wonderful life it is when we can embrace new perspectives and thoughts that are outside the norm and just try them on for a while.

When Staples came out with the “Easy” button commercials, it appeared to be funny and downright unrealistic.  However, the concept is enlightening when we can accept that it does not have to be this hard.

What usually happens is we focus on that one big thing that is making everything hard to deal with and suddenly even the little daily routine things are difficult.  Now getting dressed and getting to work is more difficult than ever.  Now we are complaining that nothing goes right.  We cannot catch a break anywhere.

So say for now that you can break it down into little pieces.  Maybe this one task or project does not have to be hard.  Then expand that thought into this day does not have to be hard.  You cannot expect to flip your whole life over like a coin and go from hard to easy just like that, right?  Can you envision that easy button working for you all day long?  It is possible to focus on what we want so much that we centrally create it in our lives.  If we want things to be easy we can focus on easy and it will get better.

I love to quote Wayne Dyer, so I have to once again.  He says you cannot fix a problem from the same mind that created it.  To me that means you have to think differently in order for things to be different than they are right now.  What does it mean to you?

After noticing and accepting the emotion you are now feeling, you can now write a letter to the person who has caused you to feel pain.  This does not involve writing a letter to them with a laundry list of how they have hurt you.  It is a letter of apology to them for the hurt you caused them at some time in the relationship.  Ouch!  You may be backing away from your computer about now.  Just accept the resistance if it comes up.  Actually, it is very helpful to sincerely think about the time or times in which you have inflicted hurt or pain to this person and write your letter of apology describing how you were insensitive or hurtful to them in any way.  Make sure to include in this letter how you can make amends or that you are willing to make amends.

Next, add to the letter an appreciation to this person for specific gifts they have given to you.  Write about how receiving from them made you feel and the gratitude you hold for them.  They may have shown kindness to you at some time or given you advice.  Whatever it is that you appreciated, express your gratefulness sincerely from your heart.

This letter does not need to be mailed to be effective for you.  You can keep it or let it go.  You can even make a ritual of releasing the letter symbolizing letting go of the negative emotion.  Remember that we cannot control the actions of others.  The only business we can mind is our own.

Some ideas on this subject might include using your special talents, things you are good at doing.  You may be a service individual such a massage therapist or accupuncturist, etc.  However, you do not have to be in a service profession though to provide value to your spouse.  Giving a personal massage from you to your honey can be very surprising and pleasing.

For tips on giving of yourself to your man and making a difference, read my latest article on “How To Make Your Man Feel Important” here.  Make every day special for your man.

But how many times can we say I love and yet refuse to listen?  How many times can we say ‘I love you’ and criticize our partner’s their thoughts or actions if they are not like ours.

Showing true love in our lives to our partners and family begins and sustains the respect for that person and their uniqueness.  Respect is defined as “having regard for” or “appreciation of” and my favorite is “avoiding violation of.”  How do we not violate our partner or loved one?

A violation within a  relationship can happen in many ways, but it always involves breaking the will of someone else.  When we break the will of our partner, they will struggle with trusting us.  And breaking the will usually leads to breaking their spirit.

If you find your partner doesn’t have the “spirit” or energy to keep trying then do a check on the respect areas of your relationship.

1.  When they speak do you listen or ignore them?

2.  When they have an idea do you praise or belittle that idea?

3.  When they accomplish something or perform a difficult task do you offer praise and acknowledgment of a job well done?

4.  Do you talk down to your partner?

Your answers here will help you to realize if you are respecting and honoring your partner within your relationship or taking them for granted.

We will continue next time with what is love with respect…

Actually, you tell that story to yourself every day don’t you? It could sound like “my spouse is a &@#$ and always does *&^% when I do not want him to” or “we never get along and I just hate all the fighting” or some other similar type of story that defines your relationship. Believe it or not, but the story you tell is the relationship you create.

For sure by now you have heard of the Law of Attraction and know that theory behind this law is that what you think about, speak about and act upon is what you bring about. So if your story is not the story you want for your relationship, then first you have to stop telling it like it is or how you see it. Claiming how it is is only reassuring more of the same.

Begin telling a different story. There is another story you can tell. Catch your spouse doing something great and begin telling that to everyone. It could sound like “you know my husband picked up his dirty clothes today,” or “he fed the kids breakfast,” and remark on those good things that you see them doing. You can actually journal the good things you see them do each day and remind yourself by writing it down. Notice the times and write down when you are in sync and your enthusiasm is real and passionate for your partner.  Read it back everyday or when the moments arise that you do not remember anything good about your relationship.

There are two very real distinct instances where this has worked for me. Often when I have been angry with my husband and took the time to sit down and write all of his good qualities, and when I read them back to myself I found I was no longer angry with him. I know this works for I was telling a complete different story about one of my family members in my inner talk.  Then I began changing my story about them and now our communication and relationship has grown to be the actual story I am telling about them in my mind and out loud.

You can change your relationship story. If last year’s story does not serve you for this year, then be the creator that you are and revamp your story.  Begin living and breathing that new story and you will see changes in your relationships everywhere.

If you and your spouse or partner were on the tabloid shelf what would be your headline? Would it sound like this “Magic couple surmounts all odds to keep marriage afloat.” “Despite their differences they still hold on for a better outcome” might be your headline. Hopefully it is not the dreaded “Will They Make It?”

No doubt you are taking inventory of everything in your life with fresh eyes now that a new year has begun. With that, it is important to look at your relationships with your partner, your children, friends and coworkers. What goals do you want to set for these relationships for this year? Are they healthy relationships? Could you be more giving more or are you receiving those things that you need from your relationships?

First, it is paramount that you know your own needs. No one can determine or should determine your needs for you. By not stating your needs you make it virtually impossible for anyone to live up to your expectations.

Secondly, determine whether you are approachable and open for conversation. Can others talk to you sensibly and with reason about difficult and sensitive matters that affect your relationships? If honesty is a value for you as an individual make sure that you are allowing others to be honest with you without judgment. Being closed minded is not an attribute of relationship building.

Lastly, if your relationship needs improvement or even overhauling, make sure to ask for help. Support is your greatest tool to survival when facing relationship problems. You do not have to face these tough choices ahead alone. Get the support you need from family, friends, and a relationship building coach.

Remember that you did not wake up today with a relationship problem. If it is in need of repair then it will take time to build that relationship to the level that is desired. The good news is that you can have the relationship you desire when you are ready to move toward that choice.

It is a good practice to take inventory and reflect by looking inward (and backward sometimes). Wayne Dyer says it is not the wake that drives the boat though. So in your reflection what are you noticing that can assist you in your growth for the future? That is the important question here to ask yourself.

For me, this year has taught me how important family really is to me. It has brought me closer to my family, my husband and practically every relationship I have in my circle of friends. What I have learned though is that I am the one who changed and inspired more intimacy with all of those around me. I did not wait for them to come to me and I have been rewarded beautifully for my authenticity. Since it feels so good to communicate with those around me and make new friends; and since I want more of the same I now make the claim that 2010 that I will be committed once again to nurturing friendships, family relationships and most of all myself toward growth.

So as you reflect and notice what you like or even do not appreciate for the past year, you do have a choice for yourself. Even not making a choice is in fact making a choice for more of the same. Choose how you want to be engaged with others and the impact that you want to make in your personal and business life. You are the only one who can make that choice and you are the very one to reap the rewards or pain from your choice. Your destiny is in your hands. Be responsible with it and make choices that matter for 2010.

For instance, some people drive from one place to another completely oblivious to how they got there. Many of us drive “by default” with no intent for the trip, our intended safety; and our responses to other drivers are reactions and not intentions for wellbeing and happiness. Our lives are like this when we do not focus on the here and now and most importantly the ride itself. Being present in the moment will help us to enjoy the ride and see the sites along the way.

Another type of parallel to driving is the rear-view mirror approach to life. We tend to focus on what is behind us so much that we do not see the road ahead, nor do we care because we are stuck in the past and what happened or did not happen to cause us remorse, regret or even pain. There may even be the concept here that your life back then was more fun or fulfilled than it is now. That may be true, but one can never pursue the future by looking back. I heard a great quote this past week – “To fix your past, you must begin to fix your future.”

One of my favorite similarities of driving to the way we live our lives is sometimes called the back-seat driver. The back-seat driver knows what is best for everyone else because they are so focused on the driver and not themselves. Ouch! That one hurts just a bit doesn’t it? A backseat driver finds criticism all too easy for the driver and almost always knows a better route than the one the driver is taking. The thing to notice here is that just like a driver becoming upset with our back-seat antics, other people in our lives do not take kindly to us telling them how to live their lives either, especially our family members.

There are other driving similarities such as aggressive driving, defensive driving and my favorite, the “Sunday driver.” Think about the way you typically drive on a daily basis and how this parallels with your own life. You may find there is something here for you to explore, and most importantly learn, about yourself.